How many head bangs against the wall does it take to lose a pound?!?! Seriously!!! Cleanse – check. Exercise – check. Watch the food intake – check. Get frustrated – check. Watch the scale go in the opposite direction you want – CHECK. I can’t even tell you how frustrated I am with the whole weight issue right now. I do a cleanse and lose 7.5 pounds. AWESOME!!! I start walking on the treadmill and even running some. What happens? I gain 4 pounds back. Um, I thought the exercise was supposed to take OFF the pounds and not put them on. Am I confused on this??? I did pay attention to the health science classes in college. I just don’t get it. I understand that I still can’t do much exercising with the shoulder still frozen. But, I’ve increased my jogging from zero until a few weeks ago to jogging a half mile. I’ve increase my walking from 1 mile to 4 miles. I just don’t get it. My pants size went from a 2/4 to a 6/8. It makes no sense. I don’t doubt that God put the body together in perfect working order I just really wish he gave each of us a manual on how to handle these things according to our body. I’m so ready to give up on this whole watch your weight thing. My knee still hurts so I clearly still need to get some of this off. If someone could tell me what it is I need to do to handle this, I would be eternally grateful. I just don’t get it. I know I’m not horribly overweight or anything but I need to take off 20-25 pounds and it just won’t budge. I’m at the point where anything I put in my mouth I feel crazy guilty about because I think “well, this is just going to add to the problem.” If I didn’t like food so much I’d easily have an eating disorder by now. I’m not wanting sweets of any kind or pop. The cleanse did curb those cravings. I don’t eat when I’m not hungry. My main problems are my lack of eating small meals and making sure those meals are good nutritious foods. We eat out a lot and I have my hubby’s support on eating at home more but I just don’t like to clean a kitchen. I’d rather spend the money and go out than have to clean a kitchen. I know that’s backwards but that’s how I am. I recognize that and I do fight it as often as I can. GGGRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!! I just want to feel at peace with my body and not have the health problems. I want to be able to run that 5K I’m telling myself I”m training for without fear that I won’t make it. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see. I don’t want to see only the flabby spots. I want my clothes to fit even if they are a larger size than a 2 (although I REALLY like 2). I want people to stop telling me I’m suppose to be little because I don’t feel very little and instead I feel like I’m disappointing each one of them by not being the smaller size I should be. UGH!!!!! I hate weight.
A man is never as sexy as when he’s without a shirt and holding a newborn in his arms. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm From growing up together, to raising children together. From providing for us, to praying for us. From playing ghost in the graveyard at midnight, to resting in the hammock. From taking hours to get into the water to be splashed, to riding the rollar coaster. From little kisses on the cheek, to returning home from work to hear “DADDY’S HOME!!! I missed you Daddy.” From I love you cards written in little handwritting all over the house, to standing behind the door trying to scare dad. From spending hours to perform in a dance recital with your son, to taking mall trips to give mom a break. From messes in the kitchen, to keeping your temper and praising for all the hard work. From getting little ones to sleep at night, to late night potty runs. From the X-Files, to Buffy and Incredible Hulk. From standing guard over each birth, to doing all the work. From making sure we’re all healthy, to giving us popcorn just because. From keeping faith they are learning what God wants them to learn, to showing them how to be a Godly man who loves his family. You’ve been an incredible father and I’m a very lucky woman for God to have given me someone like you to raise His children with. I Love You!!
Every time someone I know dies I can’t help but contemplate my own mortality. My Grandmother passed away this morning. I can’t say I really knew her all that well but I did grow up with her around. We saw each other fairly often but I wouldn’t really call her friendly. She was a loner and kept to herself. She went peacefully which I’m thankful for. I know she has siblings that welcomed her to heaven. There will be no service. My dad said they are cremating her body and will place it in a plot with her parents later this summer. Part of me really wishes there was a service. No one made much time for her while she was alive and it just seems like she deserves someone making time to honor her in her death. Such is not the case it seems. I regret not visiting her in March when we were near her. She never met my youngest two children – it had been about 8 years since I’d seen her. She got the obligatory pictures in the mail but that was about it. I’m not even sure she could see enough to make out the people. But, her eyes are working perfectly now. She doesn’t have to use a walker or worry about people feeding her. She can swallow again and run laps if she so desires. I’ll be watching for her to visit and say hi sometime.
It makes me think of my own funeral. What will I want? What will I not want? I know I do not want people sitting around crying and talking about how sad they are I’m gone. I want them to look through my scrapbooks (after all, my family is my life) and say that we had fun times. I want them to bring bright flowers and release butterflies into the air. I want songs to be sung – not uptight boring songs but happy worship filled contemporary worship songs. I want them to sing the same songs I hum to every day of my life and listen to my husband sing. I want everyone to know that now I’m up in heaven chatting with God and eating all the food I want and dancing without a care in the world – because I won’t be of the world anymore. 
It’s a happy time to see God. But, I still miss my Grandmother.
